I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
