You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
