took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The adults are the big ones right?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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