I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
