chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
