epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
