I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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