i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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