You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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