I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
