i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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