Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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