Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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