my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
