i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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