This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
