Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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