i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize