you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize