we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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