Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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