VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
