I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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