so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My balls are so social today.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
