I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
