i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
