May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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