I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
