I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
