Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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