He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dear god my vagina.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
