I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
