there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
