I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
