when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Girls should come with a carfax report
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
