I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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