Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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