proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
