She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
