I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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