So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize