just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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