Your tits are I can't wait for
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
