He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
