isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
