On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
