respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
