I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
