Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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