I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
