Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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