If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize