i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
