i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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