His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
