so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
