Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize