Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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