Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
