You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize