drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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