so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
how drunk are you?
Several
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
