You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
