You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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