wrigley field is MILF paradise
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
