I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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