Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
