Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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