He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
