I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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