No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
