she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
