Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
