im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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