I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
