ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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