I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
