I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
