the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize