Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
