Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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