just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
