the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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