Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It was confusing and full of hummus
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
this is an emotional support booty call
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
