R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
