1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Swine flu. Run for my life!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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