Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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