It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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