i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
