This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
