is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
